Monday, December 05, 2005


3. Judge Dredd

That’s right, back-to-back Stallone, and if you’ve seen “Judge Dredd,” you know it’s warranted. Stallone plays the titular character, one Joseph Dredd (a judge, no less), the most respected seat in a legal system which, because it’s the future, is inexplicably restructured to be like some mystical Roman senate. The roving judges are “Judge, jury, and executioner in one,” because the future justice system has been based on concise taglines rather than moral principles and logic. Cities also don’t have names anymore; the film takes place in Mega City One, a crammed collection of monolithic space-buildings and streets full of constant riots, cause people are pissed off that it’s the future and are showing it by attacking cars on their own blocks. So what happens? Check this. Joey D gets framed for murder and is found guilty because the gun used in the crime is a special “judge gun” programmed to read the DNA of the gunholder’s hand and if it doesn’t match Dredd’s DNA, it blows their hand off. The perfect crime?? Well it turns out, the one who framed him, corrupt rival Armand Assante, is Dredd’s CLONED BROTHER, so he has the same DNA. He managed to pick up a judge gun at a black market which has judge guns, and he also acquires a giant gold robot, and for the rest of the movie no one notices or cares that Assante has this giant fucking robot walking around with him, even though it’s the only robot in the movie. Fortunately, Dredd escapes from prison with help of Supporting Actor nominee Rob Schneider, and gets his revenge on Assante (that’ll teach him to get a role in anything ever!) to the tune of the one-liner “court is adjourned.” You betcha, this plot’s got more holes than a Whack-a-Mole game full of “Caddyshack” gophers.


At 4:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hmm actually how he gets the gun and where the robot comes from are very much explained and one liners aren't really plot holes


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