OVERRATED / UNDERRATED

Some things in life are rated better than they should be and some are not rated as well as they should be and it makes me angry and I want to change that!

OVERRATED SENSE: Smell

Do we really need smell? What are we, dogs? Or cats? Or a puppy with a kitten on its back that are both cute and can both smell better than us? As usual, some scienceman probably just threw "smell" on the list to make it a round five for those fatcats in Washington, even though it clearly doesn't belong with the other senses. Maybe his daughter was five or something. But think about it, if "The Miracle Worker" was about a girl who couldn't smell but learned to speak and move, who would have cared? Not me, that's who. But in real life that girl was a hero.

UNDERRATED SENSE: Touch

Sight and hearing are all gumdrops and candy, but could you imagine not being able to feel anything? And not like Haley Joel Osment not being able to feel love, I mean like being unable to really feel like real things? You'd have to, like, keep looking down to make sure you weren't standing in fire! And forget sex, you couldn't feel it. You wouldn't enjoy it anyway, cause you'd keep having to look down to make sure you weren't having sex on a bunch of fire. That would suck! You wouldn't feel the pain though. But you'd still burn, it's not like you're not invincible! I mean come on!


OVERRATED RACISM: That Air Force coach saying that black players run well

I mean come on! What is this, a totalitarnation state like that book by George Orwell about the numbers? The coach just said that black players are fast! He wasn't like "I don't think black players should vote," or like, "Black players I don't like them," or like "Black players AREN'T fast!" He complimented an entire race and if anything it's high time those fatcats in Washington apologize to him! This country needs more truth tellers and less truth sellers, and in my book the Air Force should promote him.


UNDERRATED RACISM: "Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers"

The Black ranger was a black guy and the Yellow ranger was an Asian woman! How'd they get away with that?? This was in the 1990s, not the 1950s, when blackface on television was mandatory (watch the old Dick Van Dykes). I'm surprised the Red ranger didn't have a tomahawk with a secret compartment that held whiskey and smallpox! And the Pink ranger was probably Irish, which is kind of how Irish people are! I'll bet they only had a Blue ranger because the writer thought that Smurfs are real and he was being racist towards them too! I mean come on!


OVERRATED FUNNY OBSCURE PRESIDENT: William Henry Harrison

I'm an American, and to me, some things in life are not funny. A president dying is one of them. Another one was the Dust Bowl. People think it's funny that William Henry Harrison died within a month of taking office because he insisted on having a victory parade even though it was raining and he caught pneumonia and died from it. What if your mother had a parade and it was raining and the president was in it and got pneumonia and died? Then you'd see what it's like up close, and I'll bet you wouldn't be laughing. Plus it would be the 1700s so you'd be dressed all wrong and you'd probably die of embarrassment, then what if the president laughed at you?

UNDERRATED FUNNY OBSCURE PRESIDENT: Zachary Taylor

Now we're talking. Who the hell was this dude? The only thing I know about alleged "president" Zachary Taylor was that he was in a coloring book I used to own that had all the presidents in it and he was next to a horse. I never even colored him in, cause my crayons weren't boring enough (except "Burnt Umber"). Was he the president who put the horse on the senate, or was that Millard Fillmore? It's like, "Hey, I freed the slaves," "yo, I like won this war and everything," "how bout you, Zachary?" "Me? Oh, I stood next to this horse once." How did he get elected?? Millard Fillmore, too. What are we, stupid? I mean come on!