Monday, November 07, 2005

COACH FIRED-O-METER
The world's most fired people and their % chance of getting canned in the next four months

Norv Turner, Oakland Raiders: 100%
Suggested Headlines for when he's fired: "Job With High Turner-over Rate", "Raiders To Get Back To Norm-al", "To Everything There Is A Coaching Change, Turn, Turn, Turn"


Rick Adelman, Sacramento Kings: 100%
Headlines: "Rick Bad-elman", "Rick No Longer The Adel-man", "Rick's Family Soon To Be Sad-elman When Their Income Stops"



Mike Martz, St. Louis Rams: 100%
Headlines: "St. Louis Partz With Their Coach", "Mike Will Fartz On His Running Backs No Longer", "Martz Heart's Hurting, But Rams Fans' Hearts Aren't"



Jim Haslett, New Orleans Saints: 100%
Headlines: "Jim No Longer Hasl-it (His Job)", "Jim Has-Let The Saints Down For The Last Time", "New Orleans Takes Care Of Birdlike Hassle-it"



Mike Kitchen, St. Louis Blues: 100%

Headlines: "Blues Redecorate Their Kitchen", "Kitchen's Singing The Blues, But Thankfully No Longer Coaching Them", "Blues To Hire Either John Bathroom Or Steve Breakfast Nook"


Dom Capers, Houston Texans: 110%

Headlines: "Smart Houston; Dumb Capers Gone", "Dom To Embark On Great Job Search Caper", "Pop Open The Dom, Capers Finally Fired!"



Mike Sherman, Green Bay Packers: 9990% (went down 10% after Favre announced he might retire if Sherman is fired)
Headlines: "Sure, Man, Your Job Is Safe", "Brrrr, Man, You Look Cold, How Bout We Fire You?", "Mike Will Need A Chirpa-Man To Climb Mt. Notfired"


Mike Tice, Minnesota Vikings: 1,000,000,000,000%
Headlines: "Tice Iced", "Vikings Fire Fat Piece Of Shit Mike Tice", "Mike Tice, You Are An Absolute Embarrassment And I Can't Believe You Lasted This Long You Fat Piece Of Shit"

3 Comments:

At 3:42 PM, Blogger Mike H said...

I've seen that Mike Tice picture before. Isn't that right after the ref took away his banana?

 
At 8:48 PM, Anonymous grib said...

how bout "blues can't take the heat, get out the kitchen"

 
At 1:46 AM, Anonymous Julia said...

Nice work, Dan. You are truly "The Pun-isher." My favorite was "Pop Open The Dom, Capers Finally Fired!" because I think it's really high-brow.

 

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