INJURIES ARE HOT!
Is Favre done? Is Chucky back? Will Cincinnati challenge the Steelers? These are all questions that remain to be answered but there has been one constant of the first three weeks of the 2005 NFL season: Injuries are hot! Fate is often a cruel mistress in the NFL but this past week fate really punched the AFC East square in the dick. Chad Pennington, Rodney Harrison, Takeo Spikes: Out for the season! Did the AFC East walk under a ladder while a black cat crossed its path causing it to drop a mirror made out of the bones of Native American warriors?
Most people have already written the Jets off for the year. The Bills are in a transition year while they try to develop young quarterback J.P. Losman but Spikes is the defensive leader. The Patriots have a very irritating habit of excelling when faced with adversity but the Harrison loss is unlike any they’ve had to deal with. Who’s going to illegally tackle receivers and talk shit now? The most bizarre circumstance of this situation is that the Miami Dolphins remain intact. Not for long. They will lose a key player sometime within the next few weeks if for nothing other than the fact that they’re the fucking Miami Dolphins. So which Dolphin will go down for the season?
Get ready to hear the Dolphins cry.
There's bad news and good news. Well actually it's all bad news for the Dolphins. Zach Thomas blows his knee sometime within the next 3 weeks. This leaves the Dolphins' strength, their defense, with a gaping hole in the middle. Thomas had 17 tackles against the Panthers last week. That is outstanding. Too bad the AFC East decided to go to Egypt and pillage a pharoah's tomb in the offseason. The common theme is that not only are these injuries season ending, but they effect the most crucial components of your team.
The Dolphins will also lose David Boston. This has nothing to do with that time the AFC East ran over a gypsy with their car. Boston has made a career out of injuries. Following break out seasons in 2000 and 2001 with Arizona, Boston decided to devote himself to getting ridiculously jacked and permanently injured. In a recent interview with Sports Illustrated, Boston revealed that he has modeled his workout regiment after the Batman supervillain Bane. Boston plans to have tubes inserted into the back of his neck which will pump his body full of the super steroid Venom. Many are skeptical of his plan and feel that there's been an inverse relatioship between the increase in Boston's muscle mass and his ability to perform on the field.
First year coach Nick Saban has been supportive of Boston's plans saying, "Hey, if thats what it takes to get him off of roster then I'll hook up those tubes myself." Boston has insisted this process will be effective and will enhance his level of play and help him achieve his ultimate goal, "killing Batman."
David Boston by November